Lessons on Forgiveness

If you have read my story on the About page, then you know that the last several years have been challenging. But having gone through so much as taught me a lot about life, family, and forgiveness. Here are some of the hard-fought lessons I’ve learned on forgiveness.

Lesson 1

Forgiveness is a process. It’s not just saying, “I forgive you” and being done with it. It’s also not as simple as deciding to forgive someone, though, that is a part of the process. Forgiveness takes time and effort. A person doesn’t just get over the pain of being hurt by someone instantaneously. So too, each time we feel the hurt, we must make the effort to forgive. “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.” Matthew 18:21-22 KJV. Anyone who says forgiveness is easy, is either lying or they don’t know how to truly forgive.

Lesson 2

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It also doesn’t mean allowing that person to continue to hurt you. To forgive, does not mean to allow or tolerate abuse. If you are in a dangerous situation, please do what you can to seek outside help.

Forgiving someone does not mean you become a doormat to let others walk all over you. In fact, it is just the opposite. Being a good Christian means peaceably standing up against and defending yourself against that kind of treatment.

Lesson 3

Forgiveness is understanding we are all human. We all make mistakes. We’ve all hurt someone. Sometimes it’s intentional. Sometimes, it’s not. The process of forgiveness includes prayer. Lots of it. It’s praying for understanding. It’s praying for healing. It’s praying for help. It’s praying to just get past and move on. It’s praying for the person who hurt you. It’s praying for their soul, for their healing, and transformation.

Lesson 4

You know you have truly forgiven someone when you can look back, acknowledge your own pain, and shill harbor no ill will against the one who hurt you. Instead, you are able to fully recognize their own humanity, and with them the best. This was the most shocking aspect of forgiveness to me. How can we want the person who caused so much pain in our lives to still be able to live their best life? Shouldn’t we want justice and retribution? The thing is, our God is a god of mercy. By giving both your pain and the need for justice up to God, we are following Jesus’ example on the cross when he said, " Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34 KVJ